I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
