Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
