Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
