I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
