can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
