I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
