Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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