hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
