It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ketchup is God's man juice
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
