If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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