We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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