david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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