Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
