First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
