There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize