Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Your tits are I can't wait for
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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