We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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