i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
its not stalking. its research.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
