My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
