I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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