Best friends brother. Beat that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
