i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
