how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
