put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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