apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
