The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
