I think scott just propositioned me for sex
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
