so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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