I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My bed smells like the plague
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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