maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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