Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
