my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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