Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
