it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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