Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
