Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Mom said you looked used
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
