i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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