i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
