is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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