i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
