Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
