im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
