i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Enjoy the penises
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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