If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize