What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
