i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
