I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
