I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
