He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
