I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
