So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
foreskin is a definite game changer
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
