I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
