I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
