You can't special order awesome
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
