i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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