Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
