Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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