Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
