my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
