i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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