I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
as a side note pls kill me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
