u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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