Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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