well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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