do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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