There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize