My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have fence marks all over my body
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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