i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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