just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
