Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
