i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize