Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
