Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
