As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
