Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
