It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
