I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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