he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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