Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
