dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
