Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
