The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
